Hey FOUR eyes!

      Have you been to the movies lately? If you have, you've noticed the explosion of movies in 3D. That would be great if these movies didn't simultaneously suck and blow! Here's an idea. Taking the extra money you spent on making these pieces of shit in 3D and invest it in one more retooling of the script. 3D does not a good movie make.


 THE GREEN LANTERN

        There is 1 hour and 45 minutes that I will never get back. Here"s the premiss:


In a universe as vast as it is mysterious, a small but powerful force has existed for centuries. Protectors of peace and justice, they are called the Green Lantern Corps. A brotherhood of warriors sworn to keep intergalactic order, each Green Lantern wears a ring that grants him superpowers. But when a new enemy called Parallax threatens to destroy the balance of power in the Universe, their fate and the fate of Earth lie in the hands of their newest recruit, the first human ever selected: Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds). Hal is a gifted and cocky test pilot, but the Green Lanterns have little respect for humans, who have never harnessed the infinite powers of the ring before. -- (C) Warner Bros

        Sounds like everything that you'd need for a great movie, right? WRONG! That's the movie in a nut shell. Nothing else happens, but it happens in 3D. Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan is barely likeable. Now get this, they chose him because he has no fear. A cocky son of a bitch who thinks nothing of putting his life in danger and the lives of others. This self-centered dick then is whisked across the universe to begin training that he doesn't even complete. While back here on Tera Firma. . . .  BLAH BLAH BLAH. Who gives a shit? 20 minutes into it I'm struggling to stay a wake and half way through I'm out like a light.


THOR

      Bore would have been a better title. Here's the premiss: 

The epic adventure Thor spans the Marvel Universe from present day Earth to the mystical realm of Asgard. At the center of the story is The Mighty Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. As a result, Thor is banished to Earth where he is forced to live among humans. When the most dangerous villain of his world sends its darkest forces to invade Earth, Thor learns what it takes to be a true hero.-- (C) Paramount Pictures

        
        Sounds like everything that you'd need for a great movie, right? WRONG! Are you starting to noticing a theme here. Another comic book movie that was better served as a comic book. Fuck what you heard. What this movie is really about is daddy issues. There was a great story here that they chose not to tell. The story of the rivalry between Loki and Thor's their struggle to win the love and respect of their father and ascend to the throne . Thor being "a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war" and Loki being a punk ass bitch, daddy didn't have much to choose from. Daddy then chooses Loki who unbeknownst to him . . .  BLAH, BLAH. BLAH. Natalie Portman BLAH. 1 hour and 55 minutes  later another white man comes to save the day (Yes I know it's Thor and I'm familiar with the story, but not since Will Smith in "Independence Day" has a black man saved us from anything but the high cost of picking cotton. There are a billion Asians can't they have a go at it? There are plenty to choose from)!


HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOW PART 2 


       OK, I'm not going to lie. I liked this one

 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2, is the final adventure in the Harry Potter film series. The much-anticipated motion picture event is the second of two full-length parts. In the epic finale, the battle between the good and evil forces of the wizarding world escalates into an all-out war. The stakes have never been higher and no one is safe. But it is Harry Potter who may be called upon to make the ultimate sacrifice as he draws closer to the climactic showdown with Lord Voldemort. It all ends here. -- (C) Warner Bros

       But really, in 3D? REALLY! It was the perfect end to a movie franchise and had no real reason to to be made in 3D. Oh wait, that's not true. The reason, $4.00 and $6.00 if you want to see it in REAL D 3D IMAX. So what did that add to the movie going experience. NOT A DAMN THING!  It's not like when you went to go see Avitar and it helped bring you into a world that will never exist except on screen. This time it just gave you a headache and distracted you from the movie because those Harry Potter 3D glasses kept fucking up your field of vision and you had to keep pushing them up. 

       If you're like me and already wear glasses you're royally screwed. They never fit right, they always feel awkward and make you look like a big douche. Less 3D, less C.G.I and more story.  Now if they could lower the price of a hot dog that would be nice too.